First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
