; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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