Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
