I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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