I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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