His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
