apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I party with great urgency now.
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