Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
