She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize