i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
