Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
