ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
