What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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