I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
