I'm jealous of your bromance
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
