i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
