I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
