she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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