my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
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