i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
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