I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
