My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am spending my child support on dildos
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
