she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
