my sisters under your porch take her home
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
