the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
