When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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