so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
