if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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