ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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