Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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