I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
