I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
