your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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