tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
