so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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