I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
