i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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