My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
