On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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