I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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