Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
