Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
