I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
