Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
