I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
