Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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