One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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