we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
