Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
