when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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