she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
