Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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