I've blown a few things in my day
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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