please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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