Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
