Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
