Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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