it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
