Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
