i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
