why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize