I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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