So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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