my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
