It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
