I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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