If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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